Tenderfeet Circles
The circlesFree · online · peer-kept

Sections 1–3, in full

The circles.

Eight people, two of them keepers, fourteen weeks, a talking piece, and a structure that makes it safe enough to say what is true.

§ 1

Four circles

You were a Scout.
You were sexually abused in Scouting: by a leader, an older Scout, at camp, on a trip. Whether you've told anyone or no one, whether it was fifty years ago or five.
Someone you love was a Scout.
A partner, a brother, a father, a friend, a son. You carry it too, often with nowhere to put it. A circle with people who know the weight of loving a survivor.
You were a Scouting adult.
A leader, a volunteer, a parent, a camp staffer who did not abuse anyone, but saw something, suspected something, or learned later what happened under your watch. A circle for reckoning honestly.
You caused harm, and you want to take responsibility.
As a Scouting adult who harmed a Scout, or as a Scout who harmed another Scout and is now an adult. A circle for accountability without punishment and without excuse, kept by people who have walked it.
§ 2

The fourteen weeks

Fig. 2Fourteen weeks. Four to build the container, nine for personal shares, one to close.
  • Weeks 1–4
    Building the container
    • Welcome
    • Ground rules and guidelines
    • The path to healing from harm
    • Identity
  • Weeks 5–13
    Personal shares. One person's week at a time, keepers included. The circle listens; it does not judge.
  • Week 14
    Closing.
§ 2.1

What happens in the room

  • Eight people, fourteen weeks. Six participants and two keepers who share your relationship to the harm. Same people every week, online, until the circle closes.
  • A talking piece. One person speaks at a time. The piece goes around; you can always pass.
  • Share to be known. Listen to know. No interrupting, no fixing, no advice.
  • Free, always. No fee, no insurance, no forms beyond a first name and a way to reach you.
§ 3

Before you join

Every circle begins with a conversation with the keeper, by phone or video: what the circle is, what it isn't, what you're hoping for, and whether this is the right time. You can say no at any point, and so can we; sometimes the honest answer is "not yet," or "a therapist first."

Circles are not therapy and are not crisis care. Many people are in therapy alongside a circle, and that works well. If you are in immediate danger or thinking about ending your life, call or text 988 before anything else.

Circles are held online so that nobody has to be in Virginia. Early circles will be in English, in the evenings, Eastern time, one session a week for fourteen weeks.

§ 4

Things people ask first

Is this confidential?

What is said in circle stays in circle; every member agrees to that at the start. Keepers are not licensed clinicians and are not mandated reporters for adults in Virginia, but we are honest about limits: if someone is in immediate danger, we act. We keep no records of what is said.

Do I have to tell my story?

No. You can pass on any round. People often sit through a whole first session mostly listening. Nobody is asked to describe what happened in detail, ever; the circle is about how it lives in you now.

I never told anyone. Does that matter?

It doesn't. Many of us are in that position; for men who were abused as boys, the average age of first telling anyone is past fifty. You will not be the only one in the room for whom this is the first time saying it aloud.

Does this have anything to do with the bankruptcy or the settlement?

No. The Scouting Settlement Trust is a legal process for compensation claims. Tenderfeet is not connected to it, takes no position on it, and offers no legal advice. Whether you filed a claim, received anything, or never engaged with it has no bearing on joining a circle.

What if the person who harmed me is still alive, or still in Scouting?

You can say that in circle, or not. Tenderfeet does not report, investigate, or confront anyone on your behalf. If you want to take action, the resources page lists where to start, and a keeper can talk it through with you outside the circle.

Is there really a circle for people who caused harm?

Yes. It is for Scouting adults who sexually harmed a Scout, and for people who were Scouts when they harmed another Scout and are adults now. It is a separate circle, kept separately; people who were harmed and people who caused harm are never placed in the same circle. It follows Hidden Water's practice: accountability is healing work, and it is not the same thing as punishment.

What does "non-offending Scouting adult" mean?

A leader, volunteer, parent, or staffer who did not abuse anyone but was there: who saw, suspected, missed, or learned later. The third circle is for the weight of that.

What if I miss a week?

Talk to a keeper. The circle is built on the same people showing up for fourteen weeks, so we ask you to join only when you can commit to it; life still happens, and one missed week is not the end of anything.

What does it cost?

Nothing. Circles are funded by the In Search of Peace Fund. If you can give, the Fund takes support; if you can't, you are exactly who the circles are for.

Ask about a circle